Of American-English origin, the slang phrase you can’t polish a turd means: you cannot improve something which is inherently or unalterably unpleasant, or of poor quality.
This phrase occurs, for example, in Colleges’ Corner, by Tom Monson, published in Tharunka (Kensington, New South Wales, Australia) of Tuesday 16th September 1997 [Vol. 43, No. 12, page 7, column 3]—Tharunka is the student newspaper of the University of New South Wales:
Warrane College – More Balls Than Ozlotto
This week’s revelry at Excitement Central proved the Warrane crystal ball right, left and centre as the college ball was put on and subsequently went off at the Australian Museum. Despite common wisdom to the contrary (ref. Colleges Corner, Issue #10) the unsavoury misfits of Stalag Warrane managed to scrub up quite adequately for the occasion, disproving the old Latin proverb, Stoolium non polishum (which roughly translated means ‘you can’t polish a turd’.) A great night was evidently had by all.
With two exceptions (cf., below, quotations 2 & 3), the earliest occurrences of the phrase you can’t polish a turd that I have found are associated with rock music—these early occurrences are as follows, in chronological order:
1-: From Star-Making Machinery: Inside the Business of Rock and Roll (New York: Vintage Books, 1977), by the U.S. journalist and author Geoffrey Stokes (1940-1995) [Chapter 21, page 137]:
Because of its importance, mixing has come to be regarded as something of a mystical art. It does partake of alchemy (one of the machines Ed Freeman had used in mixing the Riders’ album bore a sign reading “Your basic sow’s ear to silk purse converter”), but it can’t do everything. As one exasperated producer finally screamed to a performer who was complaining about the quality of the mix: “Listen, you can’t polish a turd.”
2-: From Millers aren’t laughing at West Haven ‘Mad Caps’, by Bill Doyle, published in the Transcript-Telegram (Holyoke, Massachusetts, USA) of Friday 9th May 1980 [Vol. 97, No. 31,466, page 18, column 1]:
The last-place West Haven White Caps are the laughing stock of the Eastern League […].
[…]
The White Caps are a farm club of the Oakland A’s. […] Ed Nottle is back at the helm.
[…]
The reason for the lack of talent in the A’s farm system is simple. A’s owner, Charlie Finley, hasn’t forked over the bucks to his high draft choices and they haven’t signed.‘Can’t polish a turd’
“As long as the A’s don’t sign the top draft choices, you can’t expect to win at this level,” said Nottle. “Occassionally [sic] you get a gem in the rough, but you can’t polish a turd.”
3-: From a review of Return to Horror High (1987), a U.S. film written and directed by Bill Froehlich—review by Joel Rubinoff, published in The Toronto Star (Toronto, Ontario, Canada) of Tuesday 13th January 1987 [page B4, column 3]:
As one of the movie’s extras conveniently notes, “Fixing this script would be like polishing a turd.” Not eloquently stated, but very apt.
4-: From FCC declares national war on radio’s ‘shock jocks’, by Noel Holston, published in the Star Tribune (Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA) of Monday 8th January 1990 [page 5E, column 1]—FCC stands for Federal Communications Commission:
KDWB-FM’s morning man, Steve Cochran, got flak when he had call-in listeners play Silicone or Their Own? the object of which is to guess whether the breasts of certain actresses are natural. While the Rolling Stones were in town for concerts, Cochran had fun playing part of an interview at which one of the band members, explaining why success hasn’t altered their original scruffiness, said, “You can’t polish a turd.”
5-: From an interview of the U.S. rock musician Peter Buck (born 1956), of R.E.M.—interview by Jim Sullivan, published in The Boston Globe (Boston, Massachusetts, USA) of Wednesday 21st February 1990 [Vol. 237, No. 52, page 47, column 2]:
What of this new acoustic wave?
“Many people are doing it because they think it’s hip,” said Buck, “but if you write good songs and are proud of ’em, you can sit and sing ’em. But you can’t polish a turd.”
6-: From an interview of the British rock singer Paul Roberts (born 1959), of The Stranglers—interview by Mark Wareham, published in The Independent (London, England) of Thursday 10th September 1992 [No. 1,841, page 14, column 7]:
Promises Roberts, there’ll be no expensive videos. “They don’t make shit songs great… Basically, you can’t polish a turd even if you spend a hundred grand filming it.”
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