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The phrase ships that pass in the night is used:
– of people who meet for a short time, by chance, and then do not see each other again;
– of people who, although living together, are unable to see very much of each other.
This phrase originated in the following from The Theologian’s Tale. Elizabeth, Part IV, in Tales of a Wayside Inn. Part Third, in Aftermath (Boston: James R. Osgood and Company, 1873), by the U.S. poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) [page 59]:
Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,
Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;
So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,
Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.
However, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was not the first to use the image of ships passing each other. The following is from Life thoughts gathered from the extemporaneous discourses of Henry Ward Beecher by Edna Dean Procter (Edinburgh: Alexander Strahan, 1858), by the U.S. clergyman, author, anti-slavery activist and social reformer Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) [page 133]:
As ships meet at sea, a moment together, when words of greeting must be spoken, and then away upon the deep, so men meet in this world; and I think we should cross no man’s path without hailing him, and if he needs, giving him supplies.
The phrase occurred in the following from The Illini (Champaign, Illinois, USA) of Monday 22nd April 1889 [page 16, column 1]—The Illini is the student newspaper of the University of Illinois:
—Note: Unfortunately, I have not found the article that was published in the Geneva Cabinet:
There is an article in the Geneva Cabinet, entitled Ships that Pass in the Night, that is well worth the time required for a careful reading. It is a well-written, thoughtful treatise on the beautiful things of this life, written evidently by a student who knows whereof she speaks. We heartily agree with the writer in her ideas of friends and friendship.
The phrase was further popularised by the fact that the British author Beatrice Harraden (1864-1936) chose it as the title of one of her novels: Ships that Pass in the Night (London: Lawrence & Bullen, 1893). The title of the novel is a metaphor for the doomed love affair between the main characters, Bernardine Holme and Robert Allitsen.
The earliest mention of that novel that I have found is from Forthcoming Books, published in the Scottish Leader (Edinburgh, Midlothian, Scotland) of Tuesday 7th February 1893 [page 7, column 7]:
From Messrs Lawrence & Bullen—[…] “Ships that Pass in the Night,” by Miss Beatrice Harranden [sic].
Beatrice Harraden gave the following explanations in the Preface to the authorized American edition of Ships that Pass in the Night (New York: G. P. Putman’s Sons, 1894) [pages vii & viii]:
The words “Ships that pass in the night,” etc., are to be found in Longfellow’s Tales of a Wayside Inn, Third Evening, Theologian’s Second Tale (Elisabeth) Fourth Part. At the time when the book was written, I myself did not know where to discover these lines; and several of my friends searched in vain for them. Numerous letters of inquiry were sent to me by all sorts and conditions of people, and I confess it was somewhat mortifying to have to plead ignorance. At last, one friend, more heroic than the others, found the harbour where these ships were hiding; and it was my wish that the new editions of the book, which were following each other with surprising quickness, should contain the welcome intelligence.
The following are two early occurrences of the phrase:
1-: From the Birmingham Post-Herald (Birmingham, Alabama, USA) of Sunday 11th March 1894 [page 4, column 3]:
How often we pass people on the street with whom we long to talk! But the unspoken word dies upon the lip and the sparkling thought sinks into darkness. The tide of humanity sweeps us on. Like ships passing in the night, a signal is flashed, a distant voice is heard in the darkness and we pass on to different destinations. Yet these ships are richly freighted with cargoes, the one with spices from the East, the other with breadstuffs from the West. A hove to and exchange would enrich both, just as exchange of thought enriches without robbery. The passengers on the one come from the Orient and on the other from the Occident, and they long to exchange experiences, but must crush their longings and drift on into deeper darkness.
2-: From an account of the address that Superintendent J. W. Simmons gave to the graduating class of a local high school, published in The Times (Owosso, Michigan, USA) of Friday 22nd June 1894 [page 4, column 2]:
The address by Mr. Simmons was exceptionally fine, if not the best he has ever given an Owosso audience. From beginning to end it was full of kind encouragement for the young and inspiration even for those who are older. Life was so much like ships passing in the night. We meet, perhaps but once, then pass on and are lost from each others [sic] lives for ever.
The Irish author Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) used a variant of the phrase in the following from The Ballad of Reading Gaol by C. 3. 3. (London: Leonard Smithers, 1898) [page 9]:
Like two doomed ships that pass in storm
We had crossed each other’s way:
But we made no sign, we said no word,
We had no word to say;
For we did not meet in the holy night,
But in the shameful day.
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