The slang phrase to drive the (porcelain) bus means: to vomit, especially from drunkenness.
—Synonym: to shoot the cat.
The phrase to drive the (porcelain) bus occurs, for example, in Don’t make me come after you, by the U.S. author and columnist Garrison Keillor (born 1942), published in the Pensacola News Journal (Pensacola, Florida, USA) of Monday 7th November 2016:
Let us be clear that if this election is stolen from Hillary by last-minute machinations, you Republicans are in deep trouble. We lefties are not patsies who you can play footsie with. Vengeance shall be wreaked.
We are taking names and we know where you live. If Hillary loses, your hairdresser Heather (a Democrat) is going to cut your hair with pinking shears and color it mauve and trim your eyebrows to look like Bette Davis.
You drop by your favorite cafe and Hazel, a Democrat, will bring you coffee with cream though you never take cream but absent-mindedly you drink it and you wind up staying home for 48 hours, driving the porcelain bus.
The phrase to drive the (porcelain) bus likens the position of the hands of a person holding onto the sides of a circular porcelain toilet bowl while vomiting therein, to that of a bus driver’s hands holding the steering wheel.
It seems that, in U.S. usage, this phrase originated in students’ slang—as explained by Jeremy Campbell in his column In Washington, published in The Standard (London, England) of Wednesday 1st February 1984:
A WHOLE new vocabulary of euphemisms for drink has sprung upon U.S. college campuses, suggesting that the fascination with drugs is giving way to a rising interest in the cup that inebriates.
Whereas “freaky” and “spaced out” were code words for the drug experience in the Seventies, today’s student slang is replete with terms like “brewsky” for beer, and a multitude of synonyms for drunk, such as “gone,” “borned,” “tweeked,” “skunked” and “waste city.” There is even an array of new words for throwing up: “hug the porcelain god,” “drive the porcelain bus,” “talk to Earl.”
Dr Estaban Egea, a professor of linguistics, who has made a special study of student lingo, says activities many students regard as deplorable, but widespread, tend to be disguised by the euphemisms of slang. “Slang is a wav of couching terrible aspects of life, like being dead or drunk,” Egea said.
The earliest occurrences of to drive the (porcelain) bus that I have found are as follows, in chronological order:
1-: From The Official Preppy Handbook (New York: Workman Publishing Company, Inc., 1980), edited by Lisa Birnbach:
20 VERBAL EXPRESSIONS FOR VOMITING
There are some Preppies who do not consider an evening a success unless they have managed to divest themselves of all that day’s meals. The best part being, of course, to be able to announce to your friends that you capped a romantic evening by vomiting. Using the accepted jargon. Which is extensive.
1. Barf
2. Blow doughnuts
3. Blow groceries
4. Blow lunch
5. Boot
6. Buick
7. Drive the porcelain bus
8. Heave
9. Instant boot camp
10. Kiss the porcelain god
11. Lose lunch
12. Lose your doughnuts
13. Puke
14. Ralph
15. The technicolor yawn
16. Throw up
17. Toss your cookies
18. Toss your tacos
19. Upchuck
20. Woof
Interestingly, The Official Preppy Handbook also recorded a similar phrase—as follows:
riding the porcelain Honda v. The runs. Montezuma’s revenge.
2-: From Speech!, a comic strip by the British newspaper cartoonist Posy Simmonds (born 1945), published in The Guardian (London and Manchester, England) of Monday 21st December 1981—the following is from a speech given by Edmund Heep, a middle-aged middle-class Englishman, at the Annual Dinner Dance of International Brewhouse Inc.:
Ladies & Gentlemen!.. It’s my very great pleasure to welcome all you Big Knobs here tonight… & to extend my salaams to your very gorgeous ladies! GERK! ’Been a busy old year for us at International… we’ve all been driving desks… …slinging ink… number crunching… we’ve ALL been up to our *rses in alligators… Haven’t we, lads! So we deserve a good sit-down nosh….. …Work and Play… we have to draw the line somewhere… as the monkey said while peeing across the carpet HAR! HAR!
I’d like us to spare a thought for poor old Andrew Fox, who, sadly, has had to leave the room… I’m sure we all wish him a speedy recovery… ….he got a bit three sheets in the wind in the bar before dinner….. actually, he’s still in the GENTS… driving the old porcelain BUS… poor Andy… we…
3-: From “a glossary of “dormspeak,” the language of dormitory life, as heard at Middlebrook Hall”, appended to a story by Ellen Foley about Middlebrook Hall, on the campus of the University of Minnesota, published in The Minneapolis Star (Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA) of Thursday 24th December 1981:
driving the bus—vomiting while holding onto the sides of a toilet seat, which looks something like a big steering wheel. Variation: driving the porcelain bus.
4-: From What’s the Good Word? (New York: Times Books, 1982), by the U.S. author, columnist, journalist and presidential speechwriter William Safire (William Lewis Safir – 1929-2009):
Mathew Shapiro of Columbia submits the most descriptive: “Praying to the Great White Porcelain God (kneeling required).”
[…]
Dear Mr. Safire,
The most descriptive phrase I ever heard at Cornell for upchucking was “driving the porcelain bus.” Note how the position of the hands is identical for both activities.
Sincerely yours,
Lynne Federman
New York, New York
5-: From the column How About It?, published in The Newspaper (Park City, Utah, USA) of Thursday 8th July 1982:
Judging from the condition of many locals over the holiday weekend, we thought this might be an appropriate question: what’s the best way to cure a hangover?
Janine McKenty
Two hits of Alka Seltzer while standing over the porcelain bus. Or maybe a lunar eclipse.
6-: From the column Eye on Reno, by Cory Farley, published in the Reno Evening Gazette (Reno, Nevada, USA) of Monday 3rd January 1983:
OK, you’ve dogged it long enough. There are no excuses left.
It’s the first of the week, a pristine Monday with the entire stretch of days until next weekend glistening before you, an unmarked slate.
It’s also the first of the year. Sure, the official first was Saturday. But you wasted Saturday driving the porcelain bus or peering between your toes at football games or whatever. And Sunday . . . well, even if you didn’t watch the 49ers, most of us aren’t long on ambition on Sunday. You did well to get the Christmas tree down.
7-: From County health inspectors see restaurants from the other side, by Laurie Slowthower, Sentinel Staff Writer, published in the Santa Cruz Sentinel (Santa Cruz, California, USA) of Sunday 16th January 1983—Bob Lorey is a public-health sanitarian for the county Department of Environmental Health:
Improper food temperature is one of the prime causes of food poisoning, says Lorey, particularly with chicken, fish or pork. “I tell people you keep food hot, you keep it cold, or you don’t keep it.” Hot by state standards means 140 degrees; cold is 45 degrees or less.
This is particularly true of the afore-mentioned egg-protein dishes, such as egg salad, tuna salad and potato salad. An hour’s difference in refrigeration means the difference between a fun afternoon picnic or a free ride on the porcelain bus.
8-: From the column Eye on Reno, by Cory Farley, published in the Reno Evening Gazette (Reno, Nevada, USA) of Monday 21st February 1983:
Just when we were grumbling around the office about the lack of good slang in Reno—something as descriptive and colorful, say, as “ripped off” was when it replaced “stolen” 12 or 15 years ago—sometime club singer Diana Halen returned from Slang Central (Los Angeles) with a report:
“Valley talk is dying down. ‘Airhead’ is back, to mean an attractive female, not necessarily of high intelligence. ‘Bitchin’ is still in, but the old ‘technicolor yawn’ or ‘driving the porcelain bus’ for vomiting now is ‘praying to the goddess of heavy objects.’”
(The goddess of heavy objects, of course, is Hernia. When you pray to her, you get down on your knees and wrap your arms around the porcelain bus.)
9-: From Happy Ads, published in the Spokane Chronicle (Spokane, Washington, USA) of Tuesday 15th March 1983:
HAPPY 30th Debbie!
For an X-Stew, you are a great porcelain bus driver. Your secrets are safe with us! We love you, Cheri & Julie Mozarella
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