The phrase a whim-wham for a goose’s bridle, also a wigwam for a goose’s bridle, denotes something absurd or preposterous; it is now typically used evasively in response to an unwanted or annoying question.

This phrase occurred, for example, in Locavore lingo project comes to sad end, by Mark Peters, published in The Boston Globe (Boston, Massachusetts, USA) of Sunday 8^th October 2017—the author was writing about the fact that the Dictionary of American Regional English (DARE) had run out of funding:

Such terms are full-blown folk poetry, much like an idiom found in Central Massachusetts: “whim-wham for a goose’s bridle.” If that sounds like nonsense, it is. Referring to an imaginary object, the term is one of many colorful responses to a questionnaire that guided the DARE team’s fieldwork. Question NN12b asked respondents to describe “things that people say to put off a child when he asks, ‘What are you making?’” Other creative responses to the same question include “a whimmy-diddle” and “crutches for lame ducks,” so if faced with a similar situation, we can all dispense with boring answers such as “Nothing” or “Scram!”

The noun whim-wham denotes a fanciful ornament, a bauble, a trinket. In a wigwam for a goose’s bridle, wigwam is probably an alteration of whim-wham.

The earliest occurrences of the phrase a whim-wham for a goose’s bridle, also a wigwam for a goose’s bridle, that I have found are as follows, in chronological order:

1-: From Leaves from my Log-Book.—My Second Trip. By Flexible Grummett, P.M. No. VII., published in The United Service Journal and Naval and Military Magazine (London, England) of March 1836:

“Ayah sailor, how can do!” ejaculated the native of the Celestial Empire in an imploring manner.
“Hould your thief’s tongue, you wagabun!” returned the tar angrily, “you arn’t sitting now like a mandareen upon the lid of a teapot, and be d—d to you! To go for to rob an honest seaman, who has sarved his Majesty forty years! Where’s the double-breasted wig with sleeves, I ordered and paid for? Yes, young gentlemen,” turning to us, “I ordered him to make me a double-breasted wig with sleeves, and a wigwam for a goose’s bridle to match, and says he, ‘Ayah, how can make, no have money;’ so I tips him a handful of rupees, and when I goes again he knowed nothing whatsomever about it, and devil the bit of cash or goods have I seen since.” The Chinaman looked serious, though there was still much of comicality upon his countenance. “Ah, ye know-nothing son of a black gander, it’s all logged down again you correct.—Well, young gentlemen, so as I was coming out o’ the Yankee flag to-night, I claps him permiscrously alongside quite accidental, and ‘Yo hoy,’ says I, ‘where’s my wig and my wigwam?’ says I, and then he purtends to understand not nothing whatsomever about ’em.”

2-: From the Daily Dispatch (Richmond, Virginia, USA) of Saturday 5^th February 1876:

The Norfolk Day-Book welcomes the committee appointed by the National House of Representatives to examine into the condition of the navy-yard at Portsmouth as follows:
That Smelling Committee.—When the smelling committee gets to work in the navy-yard we hope that they will learn where the “wigwam for a goose-bridle was made that leads ducks to water.” If they find any of the ships hollow, of course they will want to know what knocked the stuffing outen ’em. When they sample the liquor the sailors don’t get we hope they will introduce bigger “tods.” We’ll enlighten you, gentlemen of perspicuity, but there are some things you can’t see into, naughtically speaking, while any of you may know which cow gives the buttermilk or whose goat shears best, also what season of the year is best to trim elders, or such matters. Water is wet, but it takes seamen to know how wet; but cobblers must stick to their last—national ones particularly.

3-: From The Argus (Melbourne, Victoria, Australia) of Friday 17^th November 1876:

Mr. J. B. Slack does not appear to get on any more smoothly in the master’s office than he does in the Supreme Court. Certain accounts were ordered by the Court to be taken in the suit of Slack v. Atkinson. As is customary, Mr. Slack appeared for himself, while the defendant was represented by counsel. According to a report made by the master yesterday, Slack has conducted himself in an insolent, violent, and contemptuous manner; has insulted the master, the counsel, and the witnesses, and the climax of his conduct was said to have been reached on Friday last, when he behaved in such a way that the master stopped all further proceedings, and determined to report him to the Court. All that Mr. Slack said was not read out in Court, but two of his statements were repeated. One was to the effect that he was made a thorough fool of by being sent to have the accounts taken by the master; and the other was that when defendant’s counsel asked him what a certain document was, he replied, “a whim wham for a goose’s bridle—do you think it will fit you?” Mr. Justice Molesworth said he was happy to say such conduct was of very rare occurrence, and before determining what to do he would consider the matter as to the practice to be followed.

4-: From a correspondence from Washington, District of Columbia, dated Thursday 6^th December 1877, published in The Cincinnati Enquirer (Cincinnati, Ohio, USA) of Monday 10^th December 1877:

We have what is known as the Signal Service, upon which millions are poured out by Congress every year. In the popular mind this means the signal we read in the morning daily, which tells one whether it is worth while to carry the old cotton umbrella from home or not. The fact is that while the Bureau is really meant for the study of the weather, it takes its name from a system of signals by waving little flags on heights or from vessels, and really belongs to something else. If of any use, which is doubtful, the use pertains to the War and Navy Departments. But this whiff-whaff of a goose’s bridle is retained so as to tie the concern to the War Department and keep the Coast Survey from getting possession, when the Bureau could be managed for half the money and with double the intelligence. But with such change General Myers would drop out and disappear. General Myers is a man of no scientific attainments, rather dull on general account, quite pretentious, and makes a profound mystery of what is a very simple affair. There is no other country possessed of this process of evaluation and prognostication but has a better service for half the money.

5-: From Bush Mania, With Anecdotes of Bush Maniacs, published in The Evening Journal (Adelaide, South Australia, Australia) of Saturday 16^th July 1892:

Not many years ago I arrived at a station in the interior, when the blacksmith came to me and asked—
“Are you going to stay here?”
“For a week, perhaps.”
“Thank goodness! I shall have one sane person to speak to. Do you know, every soul on this station is mad—from the Manager to the cowboy—every one of them should be under restraint. I’ve only been here a fortnight, and the society of so many madmen has had a most depressing effect on my mind. I’ve had serious thoughts of slinging the whole thing, and fleeing not for my life, but for my sanity. But your presence will be a soothing balm—you will be my protection.”
“But what makes you so sure of my sanity?”
“Oh, I see sanity in your eye. It’s a dull eye—a lack-lustre eye—but the eye of a sane man. Your face is unintellectual and clodish, and your general expression is boorish and—excuse me—somewhat villainous; but you are sane, I warrant that.”
“Thank you; but surely you don’t say the Manager is mad?”
“As a March hare! Why, only yesterday he came and asked me if I could make a whim-wham for a goose’s bridle.”
“What did you say?”
“I was so staggered that for a minute or two I could say nothing. Then I put him off by saying I could if I had a pattern, and he’s going to send to Adelaide for one. He says it would be handy for catching wild dogs. Great Scott! it’s dreadful to be under the orders of a lunatic.”